Thursday, July 27, 2017

"Surely Death Has Lost its Sting"

We never really know what we have until it is gone and many times it takes a difficult trial to realize just how aware of us the Lord is and how active He is in our lives. Sometimes we don't realize we have a lesson to learn until it is forced upon us, in the same way that we don't always realize our strength until it is put to the test. We all experience a myriad of seemingly pointless yet excruciating trials in this life, but I bear witness and testify that each and every single one of them has a purpose, whether or not we can pin point it. We will all experience loss, heartbreak, regret, fear, hopelessness, anger, etc. at some point, but it is only through experiencing the lowest of lows that we have the capacity to fully enjoy our highest of highs. 

I’ve decided to start with the message since the rest of this post is going to be  the nitty gritty details; what everybody has been asking me for weeks, thought I’m of the opinion that the details don’t matter nearly as much as the message they portray. 

I haven’t posted since now because I could not find the appropriate words; I wasn’t even really sure what I was feeling, that is once I had finally stopped denying my feelings and decided they needed to be acknowledged.

Today I went to the temple and found some of the words I needed, and though they don’t nearly account for all the details, I’ve determined that they are good enough for now. 

On July 1st of 2017, my grandma passed away, about two weeks after having been diagnosed with skin cancer. It wasn’t so much that she passed away, but what preceded her death that has had me unable to communicate for the last month. 

When my grandma was diagnosed with cancer, she was living alone in her own apartment nearly an hour and a half’s drive from where I live. She had been perfectly fine; she had been driving that week, functioning normally; everything was fine, so when I was asked to stay with my grandma for the weekend since she had become nauseous and dizzy, I had no idea the gravity of the situation. 

It soon became very apparent. A formal doctor’s visit confirmed that she had Melanoma, but I didn’t need to know that to see that something was going awry. By the end of my second day with my grandma, she could no longer walk by herself, though she had had no previous problems whatsoever. I remember distinctly the moment I knew something was very wrong: I got up to get a glass of water and turned around to see my grandma walking towards me and then stumbling in her dizziness and nearly falling into a table. 

That was the last time she walked by herself.

From there it only worsened. A tumor in her brain stem was creating pressure which was rapidly paralyzing her body (though mostly the right side), manifesting first in her eyes, then her legs, her throat and lungs, and then her arms and hands. The decline was extremely rapid and despite immediate action to start radiation treatments, steroids, etc., I always had a nagging feeling at the back of mind that this battle was going to be over very soon. 

Despite this whisper, surely from the Spirit in order to prepare me, I continued caring for my grandmother 24/7, “sleeping” on the floor in front of her couch where she always slept so that I could be there as soon as she needed me at 3am or whatever time it may be, helping her get to and from the bathroom, making sure she ate something since she had lost her appetite, encouraging her when she couldn’t swallow all the pills, or even a sip of water, calming her down after random crying fits and long days of appointments, reading her texts to her when she lost the ability to do so herself, carrying her when her legs no longer functioned, helping her do her hair when she couldn’t reach up high enough to do it anymore, feeding her when her hands no longer worked, trying desperately not to show how scared I really was so that she wouldn’t have to feel that way either. 

It was the next Saturday morning when I was to be relieved from duty for a day by a friend of the family. As I left the apartment and told my grandma goodbye, it was apparent by our tears that we both knew we weren’t going to see each other in that apartment again. 

Sunday morning she was taken to the emergency room where we were informed that the tumor on her brain stem had something like quadrupled in size since it had first been scanned, a mere six days prior, and was inoperable because of its placement, though my grandma didn’t want surgery anyway. The respiratory doctor told us her lungs were filling with fluid and there was no solution (besides an extremely dangerous and painful operation that she so kindly described in great detail for us).

That was the last day I held conversation with my grandmother. 

Monday morning she was put in hospice and was mostly unresponsive until she passed on Saturday around noon. 

As I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m not one to ask “why?”

But this experience has made me ask that exact question in excess, and though I believe there will always be a lingering “why?”, I have also been blessed to understand some of the reasons, and to be at peace not understanding. 

To echo what I stated in the beginning of this, sometimes we don’t realize our strength until it is put to the test, and I would add that we don’t realize the Lord’s strength until we put it to the test. 

Being able to put on a smile each day, muster encouraging words, even the physical act of lifting Grandma, are on a list of things for which I will forever thank the Lord I could do. I know with every fiber of my being that I was not alone with Grandma for even a second during that week. I testify that angels exist and that God answers prayers. 

The Lord’s strength is unfathomable; His reach is infinite; His love is all-encompassing. Just when I thought my body couldn’t handle it, in the moment when I didn’t know if I would be able to take Grandma to the bathroom one more time, in the final moments before I knew I couldn’t do it anymore, He was there. He was there for me and He was there for her, and He will be there for you, too. There is no task we cannot accomplish with the Lord’s help; no burden we cannot carry when He is by our side; no battle we cannot finish. I know this to be true. 

The Lord loves us and he listens to our prayers; He will provide us with what we need (though not always what we want). He hears our pleas and cries for help, and though He does not always remove our difficulties entirely, He will lighten our load so that we might carry it a bit easier. I was witness to that in the small things: I told my mom one day after church that I was really craving oatmeal cream pies and when I got back to Grandma’s house, there were oatmeal cream pies on the table. As I waited for my grandma to return from a radiation appointment, I ran across one of my favorite TV shows that I never get to watch. As the fear and panic started to sink in that last Friday night and Grandma became significantly less cognizant, my uncle stayed the entire night with us, refusing to leave because he “had a date with Candy Crush.” 

The Lord is in the little things; He is in the big things; He is in everything. 

And despite experiencing something as, for lack of a better word, traumatic as I did, I cannot deny the immeasurable gratitude I have to have been able to be with my grandma and show her every ounce of love I had left for those last two weeks. 

As I drove to the temple today and tried to think of some of the words I was going to say, a pair of songs helped me determine what they would be.

One song, “I’ll Go Where You Want Me to Go” as sung by the BYU Men’s Chorus, struck me with a new meaning. I have had a very hard time adjusting from my mission; I feel like I’m not doing anything of worth here as I was there and it has motivated me to change some of my previous plans in order to be on the path to a career that allows me to travel and help others as much as possible. Many of my plans have been foiled and I have been very much stuck in a rut, but as I heard the words to this song (for perhaps the billionth time), they took on a whole new meaning. 

It may not be on the mountain height
Or over the stormy sea,
It may not be at the battle’s front
My Lord will have need of me.
Perhaps today there are loving words
Which Jesus would have me speak
So trusting my all to thy tender car,
And knowing thou lovest me,
I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere:
I’ll be what you want me to be.

I’ll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
Over mountain or plain or sea;
I’ll say what you want me to say, dear Lord,
I’ll be what you want me to be.
Especially in this day and age, with the society we live in, there is a great need and desire to help and to make a difference, but sometimes the biggest difference we can make is hiding right under our noses; sometimes it’s right across the fence, down the road, in your own kitchen even. Don’t let Satan fool you into thinking you’re not doing anything just because you’re not doing what the world considers to be great. True greatness hides in the shadows; true greatness is manifested through charity and integrity; true greatness will show when standing at the judgement bar on the last day being told, “well done.” 

The Lord has been foiling my plans with a purpose, I am sure of it (sometimes more sure than others), but I know that there is no place I would have rather been, nor that the Lord would rather I had been, than with Grandma for that week.

The other song, “The Dying Soldier” (I listened to it as sung by the BYU Men’s and Women’s Chorus and Philharmonic) struck me a bit harder. It is written from the point of view of a soldier who is dying on the battlefield. He speaks briefly of his suffering, the fact that he will never see his wife or children again, he asks that a letter be written to his wife, and then comes the part that hit me so hard today.

Oh brother, I am dying now,
Oh, I do die so easy.
Surely Death has lost its sting
Because I love my Jesus.

I can think of no better expression of my feelings than that. 

This has not been a pleasant journey, but after all is said and done, I can say with confidence that “Death has lost its sting because I love my Jesus.” I know where Grandma is. I know the plan of salvation. I know that this is but another journey, another chapter in her eternity. 

I do not know the underlying “why?” this had to happen, especially in the manner that it did, but I am at peace. 

And with that I am satisfied.

I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. I know that families can be together forever. I know without so much as a shred of doubt, that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and beautiful and I testify that it is a source of light in what is becoming a very dark world. I know that we are all instruments in God’s hands for doing good and spreading love. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us infinitely and without conditions. Of these things I bear solemn witness in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Saturday, October 15, 2016

The Golden Rule

So, let’s talk about the race for president this year. I have some opinions, but let me bring to your attention that none of my opinions have to do with the actual candidates. Because since when was it my job to judge somebody just because they sin differently than me?

Oh that’s right, it’s not. 

We live in a society that is constantly throwing opposite ideas at us and this might just be one of the biggest ones I have seen yet. 

We see all the time people posting pictures of inspiring quotes about not judging others, about accepting everybody how they are, helping people who are struggling or who don’t understand certain concepts yet, however these same people then post things on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. “[candidate] is sexist.” “[candidate] is a liar.”


And have you looked in the mirror lately?

Alright, maybe your flaws aren’t the same flaws, but they’re there.

Granted, you aren’t running for president, so you’ve got that going for you, but then again, you aren’t running for president so who are you to judge those who are? 

“He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone…” (John 8:7)

There are no conditions in that story. The woman that Jesus Christ himself saved was an adulterer. “And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” (John 8:11)

Now let’s take a moment to put this into perspective. 

We are all children of God and His love for us is infinite. So infinite in fact, that He sent His only begotten son to the earth to atone for our sins that we might have the chance to live with Him again. Jesus Christ suffered, was crucified, and was resurrected, all for us. 

For every single one of us.

Obviously, we must learn to accept him in our lives and use the atonement that he has provided, but just picture Jesus putting himself in front of the adulterer to protect her, or in front of yourself, your brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, children and grandchildren…

[insert name of presidential candidate]

Are they not children of God, too?

Fortunately in the story that the Bible portrays, the people realized pretty quick that none of them were without sin and nobody threw a rock, but today, the situation is not the same. Today, people are hurling rocks at anybody and anything, people we don’t even know personally, even friends and on occasion, our own family members, not only blood-related but in our family of faith. 

“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” (Matthew 25:40)

So those rocks you’re throwing, are you really throwing them at a presidential candidate? At a work colleague? At a brother or sister?

Or are they all hitting that one person that put himself in front of them to protect them? 

Is this not exactly what Satan wants? 

Have we not all fallen into his snare?

Even if we do not agree, even if what they are doing is not morally correct, we do not have the right to judge them as people. That is not our job. 

We as followers of Christ more than ever in these times need to be the light in a world of constant chaos. We should be building others up; not tearing them down, whether they be presidential candidates or relatives. What kind of example are we giving to the people around us (friends, coworkers, bosses, children) as we post degrading or cruel comments or articles? And what kind of behavior are we showing our Father in Heaven?

We are not animals. We are not objects. We choose how to react. 

So are we choosing to be like Christ, “at all times, and in all things, and in all places that [we] may be in…”? (Mosiah 18:9)

Or are we letting a presidential race affect our relationship with God?

If you don’t agree with a candidate or consider them unfit, find a different one and get over it. 

Does putting nasty comments on Facebook change anything? Has it ever?

Support righteousness and good morals; don’t waste your time stepping on the other guy. I guarantee it’s going to stick with you a lot longer than with them.

Hypothetical situation time: 
     You’re in the library. You hear a person talking about something you did across the room. You would probably ignore it, am I right?

     Now, you’re still in the library, but this time a person approaches you and addresses you personally about something you’ve done. In this case you might have a bit more interest, no?

Do you get where I’m going here?

It does no good to talk about people, only through talking to people can we get things accomplished. So seeing as none of us will probably ever get the chance to talk face to face with one of the presidential candidates, it’s best we show them with our vote what we think, no nasty Facebook argument necessary. 

Let’s just all get along. Life is hard enough for all of us without throwing this in. Get out of the house for a bit, go for a walk, revel in the fact that you are alive and you are a child of God. Vote wisely and quietly; don’t allow Satan to use you as his tool to create contention. 

Standing up for good morals and righteousness doesn’t mean standing on top of your opponent, it means standing next to them on a bedrock podium of unshakeable testimony and unquestionable virtue, alright people? 

And if after all this you still don’t know who to vote for… vote for yourself!

Just kidding, actually please educate yourself about all the possible candidates, but in the right place (i.e. not social media), and try voting according to your conscience, having taken all factors into account.

The presidential race will end; it’s not going to last forever. In comparison to the eternities we will live and have already lived before this life, this moment in time is nothing. In reality, our decisions right now are both of great and little importance: if the presidential race is causing you to change how you react to situations and comments in a negative way, that will be reflected in a negative light at that great and last day, whereas if we continue to follow Christ, be examples of Him, and love all people, that will also be reflected, but as a virtue. 

So, let’s just remember who we are, what we stand for, and let us always follow the example of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

Thursday, September 8, 2016

A Very Fond Farewell

That is not her hand. :)





this is happening

this is really and truly happening

this is my last letter as a missionary and my last week in the field


I'm FREAKING OUT a little bit to be honest

and even though I've been thinking about what I was going to say in this email and how I was going to make it different from the rest the whole week...

I got nothin.

So let me tell you about what happened this week and I'm sure I'll get my groove on pretty quick.

This week was another really hard week here in the mission field. Pretty much all of our appointments failed, half the ward moved away, and an unusual amount of people yelled at us in the street, but you know what?

(imagine me crying because I'm crying)

I love being a missionary. I love the gospel. I know that it is true and I know that Jesus Christ lives and loves us. I know these things and I hope that somebody that I've talked with has been able to gain a testimony of these things as well because it is more important than any other knowledge we can gain in our lives. I am so very grateful to have the gospel in my life; I am immensely grateful to have been able to serve a full time mission of a year and a half here in Chile. I am grateful for all the people I have met, for the things I have been able to do, that I have been able to learn; I am grateful for the understanding of the gospel that the Lord has provided me with and to know who I am and who I serve. I am a child of God and my loyalty is to the Lord.

'Sí, yo sé que nada soy; en cuanto a mi fuerza, soy débil; por tanto, no me jactaré de mí mismo, sino que me gloriaré en mi Dios, porque con su fuerza puedo hacer todas las cosas; sí, he aquí que hemos obrado muchos grandes milagros en esta tierra, por los cuales alabaremos su nombre para siempre jamás.' Alma 26:12 (sorry i couldnt remember how it started in english so i searched it in spanish)

["Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.' Alma 26:12]

Maybe the scripture is really cliche to use, but it is the truth. I know that nothing I have done here has been with my own strength, but with the strength that the Lord has given me. There have been really great days and there have been really terrible days, but there has not been a single day that I didn't plead and receive the strength necessary to go where the Lord wanted me to go, do what he wanted me to do, say what he wanted me to say, and be who he wanted me to be. I testify of the power of prayer. I testify that our Heavenly Father loves us and wants to bless us and never ever leaves us alone. We are his children; we are his most important creation; 'Pues he aquí, te tengo grabada en las palmas de mis manos' 1 Nephi 21:16. We are IMMENSELY important to him. 

["Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me. 1 Nephi 21:16]

I have made plenty of mistakes here on the mission, but because of that I have also learned more than I could ever have imagined about the atonement. I know that Jesus Christ died for me, but more than that, I know that he also lives for me now. I testify of the resurrection and that through the sacrifice that our older brother made for us, we all have the opportunity to vencer la muerte [overcome death]

I think we're going to have a change of plan and I'm going to start doing this thing in Spanish because I feel it in Spanish (hope Andrew's okay with translating hahaha)

Sé que por medio de Jesucristo, tenemos la posibilidad de vivir eternamente con nuestro Padre Celestial y con nuestras familias. Testifico de las bendiciones del templo; estoy demasiado agradecida que mi familia se ha sellado en el templo. Sé que cada uno de nosotros podemos alcanzar esas bendiciones. Las familias realmente pueden ser eternas; lo sé. 

Yo sé que Jesus es el Cristo; sé que el evangelio es verdadero; sé que José Smith fue un profeta del Señor para restaurar la iglesia original de Jesucristo y que tenemos el gran privilegio de ser parte de esa misma iglesia hoy en día. Sé que Thomas S. Monson es el profeta que Dios ha escogido para guiarnos hoy en día. 

Yo sé estas cosas sin duda y con todo mi corazón. Amo el evangelio. Amo la misión. Amo Chile y las personas acá. Amo a mi familia, y más que todo, amo a mi Salvador Jesucristo. 

Entonces, para la última vez de aquí en Chile, les dejo mi testimonio de estas cosas con la esperanza de que alguno de ustedes lo lea en el sagrado nombre de mi Salvador y Redentor, aun Jesucristo el Señor, amén.

[I know that through Jesus Christ, we are able to live forever with our Heavenly Father and with our families. I testify of the blessings of the temple; I'm too thankful that my family has been sealed in the temple. I know that each of us can achieve those blessings. Families can really be eternal; I know.

I know that Jesus is the Christ; I know the gospel is true; I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of the Lord to restore the original church of Jesus Christ and we have the great privilege of being part of the same church today. I know that Thomas S. Monson is the prophet chosen by God to guide us today.

I know these things without hesitation and with all my heart. I love the gospel. I love the mission. Chile love and people here. I love my family, and most of all, love my Savior Jesus Christ.

Then, for the last time here in Chile, I leave my testimony of these things with the hope that any of you read in the sacred name of my Savior and Redeemer, even Jesus Christ the Lord, amen.]

Seriously though, I love Chile so much and I am going to miss it more than I can express. It hurts my heart to have to leave here and leave these people and this calling, but I know that they are in the Lord's hands and that one day we will meet again and until then, I bid you all a very fond farewell.

I want you all to know that I really and truly do love you and thank you for being a part of my mission by reading my letters.

The next time we meet, I'll be in my own house, in my own country, with my own family, and probably still crying, but it's okay. 

I love you all and hope you have a FANTASTIC week :)


[Because Hermana Schomburg's camera is no longer working, all photos are courtesy Hna Garcia.  They have been cropped for the privacy of the members and investigators in them.]

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

speaking of poptarts

there are so many foods that i'm remembering just now that i havent had in a year and a half 

cream soda
rootbeer (floats)
chili (how ironic eh)
pumpkin pie
cherry pie
real apple pie (they do it different here)
poppyseed muffins
hamburger helper
split pea soup
tater tot hot dish
green been casserole
hawaiian haystacks
life cereal
cream of wheat
summer sausage
green chili

and the list goes on

but also there are so many foods that i am going to miss from here (and neighboring countries [i had to put that because in reality i eat more peruvian and venezuelan food than anything else hahaha])

completos (and panchos, as my companion says)
ají de gallina
papas a la huancaina
arroz con pollo
pastel de papas
pastel de choclo
papas rellenas
calzones rotos
leche asada
arroz con leche (y mazamorra)
duraznos con crema

that list also goes on

oh man

guys can you even believe it's been almost a year and a half?

i'm still basically in shock because it doesnt feel real... i dont feel like i'm scheduled to go home in less than two weeks... i just feel like

i dunno

like i'm just missionary-ing and i'll just be doing that forever, hahaha 

but hey, let's not talk about that because IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE

let's talk about this week

this week i think i figured out what the Lord is trying to teach me this change. This change has been kind of difficult; all of our investigators are disappearing and it seems like the harder we work, the more of them disappear and the less receptive the people are, but I don't think it's because we're bad missionaries nor because the sector doesn't have any potential, nor anything else; I think that this is happening to help teach me the importance of perseverance. 

Perseverance is the fifth and final part of the gospel of Jesus Christ that he taught. To refresh your memories, the five are faith, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end, or as the phrase translates from Spansh, persevere until the end. 

I was thinking a little bit about that word the other day and the difference between 'endure' and 'persevere'

I dont know about you but when I hear the word 'endure' I picture a person making an ugly face and is probably sweating and (the first time i typed swearing haha which could also be but we shouldnt swear no no) is red as a rocotto and is almost not accomplishing the thing that they need to accomplish but darnit they are ENDURING and they are gonna get it done

but when I hear the word 'persevere' the picture changes a little. I picture somebody that is pushing forward; even though what they are doing is hard, they are pushing forward, not giving up, and definitely gonna get it done

Enduring for me is a person hanging from a cliff and persevering is a person pushing a really big rock

and maybe i'm crazy and just talking crazy talk, but i like a little better the word persevere.

but anyway, that's not what the point is

the point is that the perseverance is something hard I would say for pretty much anybody, especially the farther along we get. As we persevere, we learn things; we make mistakes and learn from the things we do wrong to be better and progress more, but the farther we get, the more we learn, and the more we learn the more we can handle, and sooo, the trials get bigger. The Lord knows he can trust us with bigger problems and in order for us to learn and progress more, he entrusts us with those bigger problems. If this life was easy, there would never be any progress! 

And that's our purpose here after all. Before this life we lived as spirits with our Heavenly Father, but there came a point as spirits that we couldn't progress anymore, we couldn't do anything else, unless we obtained bodies and learned to use our agency well, and so we came to earth! So, if we find that everything is easy in life, are we really progressing? Or are we waiting for the day when everything will be easy? Is it wise to wait for a time like that?

Or should we just be happy and grateful in the state that we are; falling and getting back up, learning, growing, being tried in a myriad (is that a word or am i making it up?) of ways?

I think that that is one of the keys to life; finding happiness and having an attitude of gratitude no matter what is happening in our lives; a difficult task, but one that will help us to feel fulfilled throughout our entire lives. 

I hope something that I've said has made sense... I feel like my grammar is so bad and I'm using so many made up words that nothing makes sense but I'M TRYING FOLKS

but anyway, that's why I like to use the word persevere; because it implies happiness. It's like... we're going to suffer, but we're going to be happy about it (10 points to the house that names that movie). 

Sometimes we have to persevere through things we dont want to have to go through, but I know that the blessings we will receive for our faithfulness to the Lord are a lot bigger than we can even imagine and they will come with time, through patience and perseverance. 

I know that this gospel is true, really and truly I do. I know that it blesses us more than anything else on the planet; I have seen the blessings in my own life, in my family, and in countless people that I have met here in Chile. The gospel is a blessing in my life and I am infinitely grateful to have it. I know that Jesus is the Christ, that he is our Savior, and that he suffered and walked alone to the very end so that we don't ever have to do this alone. I know that God has a plan for us and I testify with all that I have that he lives and loves us, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

that's all the time i have for this week folks

next week we'll talk again







Camera shutter is broken
but the hermana photos are still beautiful!

Face painted at the church carnival

Wednesday, August 24, 2016


Hna Schomburg, Hna Paulson, Hna Palmer
Last trip to the Santiago Temple before coming home
in three weeks.

you have to take a pause in each of the dashes when you read the title

i am just


tired holy cannoli

let me tell you a story

once upon a time in the mission Chile Santiago Norte the missionaries that are headed home all go to the temple with Pres and Hna Videla the friday before their flight and then they have lunch together and after that, all the missionaries that are going home are just really terribly trunky

but one day when hna schomburg was in her last cambio the temple was going to be closed for maintenance her last week so they had to go on the 23rd of august, three weeks before going home

so they went and it was all REALLY EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTING AND HNA SCHOMBURG WAS WITH HNA PAULSON AND HNA PALMER JUST LIKE HOW SHE STARTED THE MISSION AND SHE COULDNT HANDLE IT AND CRIED FOR LIKE 40 YEARS and then after everything, it was time to write the family and she didnt have any anything left to do anything ever again because she cried so much and she felt so much of the Spirit

the end

those are the circumstances folks, so i apologize if this letter is real lame

but let me try to say some things that will be spiritually uplifting or will let you know how this week went

let me consult my agenda

on friday we got on the metro and in one of the stations like A BILLION CARABINEROS IN FIGHTIN GEAR AND WITH SHIELDS AND STUFF GOT ON THE TRAIN and we thought it was real cool and then we were thinking more and we were like


why did they have to take the metro? did they all have to pay with their bip?

on saturday we just had one heck of a day doin a lot of stuff and talkin with a lot of (interesting) people like one man that yelled at me like he was going to fight me and then started talking to me in italian and asking me to kiss his cheek

on sunday the gospel principles teachers didnt show up so they told me 5 minutes before the class started that i had to teach it #thingsiwillmissaboutbeingamissionary and then in relief society they talked all about marriage

and everybody teased me

because i'm going home in 3 weeks

oh yeah

i'm going home in 3 weeks

I'm so sorry you all have to read this terribly trunky letter, it's just that we JUST WENT TO THE TEMPLE and talked about all these trunky things and it's all fresh still and i promise i will be normal in a little bit


how can i rescue this letter

well, it's still gonna be something a little trunky or sentimental or nostalgic or something, but let me tell it to you anyway because it meant a lot to me

so, yesterday i was in an exchange with Hna Paulson and in the nighttime we picked up Hna Palmer also (so that we could go to the temple today) and we were all thinking back on the CCM and everything that we had done and realizing how much we had grown. We went to teach a recently baptized Haitian man in Hna Paulson's sector and us three went in and sat down and had to teach him in english because he doesnt speak spanish and it just made me chuckle a little bit

remembering the CCM when we struggled to give a lesson in spanish and thinking that we're exactly the same now, except that we struggled to give the lesson in english

and i just got to thinking about the amazing things that the Lord can do. Sometimes it's when we least expect it that he gives us a change; sometimes we don't necessarily want it; sometimes we wait a long time for it, but everything that the Lord wants to happen will happen and in his own time, if we allow him to mold us. Sometimes we focus too much on what we want to happen and it just keeps not happening, even though we're obeying and doing everything right, but it's because we sometimes forget to ask the Lord if what we want is what He wants also. 

A lot of the changes I've seen in myself are not things I was expecting to change here in the mission, but they are things that the Lord wanted me to change. Our goal should not be to always get what we want, but to always want what the Lord wants, because if we submit ourselves to his will and his word and if we accept it, we will always have what we want, because the Lord always fulfills his promises.

I have been extremely blessed to be here in the mission. I am immensely grateful for the experiences I have had, for the changes I have made in myself, and if I was able to help even one person to have a better life and to make it better with Christ, if I was able to the be instrument the Lord needed for one single minute, I am happy with that. The worth of souls is great in the sight of God and when we are granted a small part of that sight, our love grows a whole lot. I feel that I have been privileged to have been a part of this mission and this work and I understand better now the plan the God has for us and the important part that every single one of us plays in his plan. We are all important; we are all special; we are all children of God and we all deserve to know the good news.

I know that this gospel is true! I know that the blessings we receive in the temple are unique and precious and we cannot afford to live without them. Do whatever you must do to be in the temple, especially with your family. I love the gospel. I love my Savior, and I really love the mission and I really really love Chile and I really really really am going to miss this. But I know that my life doesnt stop here; there are lots of things for me to do afterwards. It's all part of the plan :) en el nombre de Jesucristo, amén

sorry if this doesnt make even a little bit of sense

really and truly i 



but I love you all and I will talk to you next week and it will make more sense than this week :) I LOVE YOU


Beautiful sunset with the Chilean flag.

Thursday, August 18, 2016


I wasn't supposed to share this, but her face is priceless.
She doesn't like the looks of the "pregnant oranges." haha


well, this week was better than last week

and also worse


so let's talk

this week I was a lot better mind-wise; not thinking too much or anything and working real hard (except for that i'm so stressed out that my eye has literally been twitching almost constantly dont worry i'm fine everything is under control) but we were confronted by another challenge this week


'everybody and their cousins are moving away'

literally i dont know what is going on because at the beginning of the week we had like 20 good investigators that we've been working with constantly and now


we now have 5. 

We had a bunch of appointments this week and we would show up at an apartment and they would say, 'Oh, (person's name)? They moved out like 3 days ago' 

and then they dont answer their phone or their number has changed

i dunno man it's been brutal this week

we also have had to drop a few people that we realized really weren't progressing and were listening us for curiosity no más. WHERE'S THE REAL INTENT??? 

and other people dropped us, calling us to say 'sorry, we dont think we're going to continue listening because it's just too hard to take that time out of the day' 

one of our struggles here is that everybody works

EVERYBODY works and they work so so SOSOSO much because a lot of them are foreigners that come here to Santiago to work and regularly send money to their families in their respective countries. For that same reason, a lot of people move around a lot to find the lowest price to rent or when they find a job that pays more; this city is very much alive and the people move around A LOT. 

So, the answer to my madre's question if we have new investigators... 

yes we have one! 

we may have lost 15, but we found one this week! and he is really really a great find because he wants to change his life.

a lot of people when the missionaries say that they want people to teach or want references and stuff like that, try to think of people that already fit the standards of member of the church, but that's not necessarily what we want! the only thing that somebody needs to be able to change is the desire to change and the guidance of the Savior. our new investigator probably isnt what most people would call a great find, but he told us that he wants to change and he started immediately to act on what we told him would help him. He is an alcoholic, and he smokes, and he was doing the two when we found him (by 'accident' when looking for some old investigators) but he saw us and stopped us and shook our hands and said that he needed our help

so we started to teach him; he doesnt actually even believe in Jesus Christ, only in God, but he said that he is willing to believe if it changes his life. 

we gave him a pamphlet and told him to put down the cigarette and drink some water (he told us he hadnt drunk water in 10 years) and the next time he wanted to pick up the bottle or the cigarette, to pick up the pamphlet or offer a prayer.

and he started right them.

We as missionaries and as members of the church CANNOT judge whether or not a person is ready. We cannot judge ANYBODY; that's God's job and He doesn't need any help. We know that our message is true; we know that Jesus Christ lives; it is our job to spread that knowledge so that other people can also have it and change their lives; we dont decide who gets to have the gospel and who no, the gospel is for everybody! 

It's possible that our new investigator never gets baptized; that he doesnt get farther than that pamphlet, or that he goes back to his ways, but our job is to invite. Jesus doesn't force his way into our lives, he knocks and we must answer the door. We are hoping and praying that our new investigator opens the door and can change his life; the only way we can change our lives, whether the changes are big or small, is through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I know that he lives and I know that the power of his Atonement is real and it is within reach for all of us that believe in Him. I love the Lord and I love the gospel; it really does change lives and this I share in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 





Enjoying arroz con leche
(rice pudding)

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

la peor semana de TODO LA VIDA

[the worst week of ALL LIFE]

this week



probably one of the worst weeks of my mission

maybe my entire life

hahaha, but dont worry, it's all good, it's just been


i have a feeling that all of this happened because i'm getting closer to the end and the adversary really REALLY REALLY doesnt want me to be a happy missionary my last change


he is going to fail

I'm starting to feel a weird way like how I felt right before I came here... but also in a different way... just, everything


really hard

and I couldnt even tell you what it is that made this week SO TERRIBLE and SO HARD because we had a relatively good week and actually a whole lot of great things happened but I just felt SO TERRIBLE this week

and I didnt really know why so I spent some time meditating and started doing something that we talked about in our zone class: I started paying more attention to my thoughts, and when I did that, I realized that I was being invaded

Invaded by some real silly thoughts having to do with the work I've done as a missionary. It really is amazing how much our thoughts when we're not paying attention affect our attitudes. 

I began to realize more and more that my thoughts were fairly negative about what I've done here; thinking that I could have tried harder, could have had more success, could have done more contacts, could have had shorter and more powerful lessons, could have called members for all of our lessons, could have participated more in Ward Council, could have baptized more people, the list goes on and on and on and o-o-on (props to those that sang that)

but instead of realizing my thoughts were negative and snapping out of it, I began to think

it's true. All that stuff is true. I am a bad missionary because I didn't do all those things.

Until I began to think more and more

I have failed.

My mission has been a complete and utter failure and I don't know why I'm here now and I don't know why I came if all I did was get yelled at and eat rice with chicken every other day (don't get me wrong, I love rice and chicken, I really do...) and get robbed in the metro

the only thing I did was learn spanish


That's what I was thinking.

And the worst part of it all I think is that I wasn't really wallowing in self-pity for having wasted my own time, but I was in an even bigger hole (sorry i couldnt think of craftier words haha) thinking that I had wasted the Lord's time. That I had disappointed him with what I've done. 

I realized about Saturday afternoon when I started my fast that that was not okay to think and that I have had a purpose and have a purpose here and started to think myself out of it, but I felt like I couldn't do it alone. 

Luckily for me, I didn't have to, nor does anybody have to do it alone. We have our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who is always there to help us and he helps us in a variety of ways. I started with the scriptures and prayer and moved on to my patriarchal blessing and the Liahona and finally decided that I needed to ask for a priesthood blessing, so on Sunday I asked Bishop Negrete if he could give me a blessing. So, good ol' Bishop Negrete in his Bishop Negrete way gave me a blessing and told me a few things that I know 100% he was prompted by the Spirit to tell me and I would like to try and share a few with you all (mixed with my thoughts as well). 

First of all, if we look behind us, we will ALWAYS see things that we could have done better because we are imperfect beings and we always make mistakes, sometimes bigger mistakes than other times, but there are always errors. What happened already happened; what we need to do is repent and move on, not look back and think 'but I could have done so much better' because we will NEVER be happy if we think that way. 

Second, having already repented for the mistakes that I've made, I was confused as to why I still felt bad. The bishop explained that those feelings are from the adversary. He wants us to continue feeling bad and to deny the power of the atonement. When we repent, our sins are washed away completely, end of story. God remembers them no more. So if we continue feeling bad about things that we've already repented for, maybe that's why. The adversary wants us to think that there is no forgiveness, that we can never be better, and more than anything, that the power of Christ's atonement doesnt exist and doesnt work. 

Third, it doesnt matter what we've done in the past; what matters is who we are now. When we are face to face with God in the end, he's not going to judge us on our actions and what we've done, we, based on what we've done, are going to be able to look him in the eyes, or we're not going to be able to; it's a simple as that. 

And he also told me a WHOLE LOT OF OTHER THINGS that I dont have time to write, but just think about those things for a little bit and maybe one day I'll be able to tell you all the things he said and all the things that the Spirit taught me. Just know that I'm better now, and this week is going to be **terrible pulento** 

I know that I am a daughter of God and that He loves me and that He loves all of you too. I know that the work of Salvation is the most important work that exists here on the planet and I invite you all to be a part. I love this work; I love the gospel, I LOVE BEING A MISSIONARY AND I LOVE MY MISSION IT'S THE BEST MISSION IN THE WHOLE WOOOOOOOOOOORLD and most importantly, I love the Lord. And this I leave you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.



Argentine empanadas